OKnLA

recently we crashed a party at Universal Studios CityWalk. i felt completely touristy and took a handful of pictures, which is new for me. i'm very bad at taking pictures. i'm working on that. probably the picture that was the most fun was the King Kong picture. there is a spot you can stand on and lift your hand to make it appear like King Kong is lifting you off the ground. it came out a little blurry but it was still fun. the party was fun, but it was a glaring reminder of how old i'm getting. the whole time i was thinking i'd rather be sitting somewhere at a nice bar rather than standing in the middle of a 'club-like' atmosphere surrounded by loud drunk desperate young women. i was also reminded that i'm horrible at flirting. and i'm not too sure what to do about that.

before checking out a free screening of 'American Reunion' at the ArcLight theatre in Hollywood, i took a walk over to the greatest record store on earth: Amoeba Music. okay, it may not be the greatest on earth but it's the greatest i've been to so far. mountains of music: CDs, LPs, DVDs, you name it. i almost passed out from the excitement. it fueled my desire to own a record player. i've always wanted one but wondered where i would ever actually buy records. but now that i'm in LA, albums are easy to come by and i wish more than ever i had a record player. maybe a Christmas present to myself? Amoeba doesn't just have new releases. they have extremely old releases, obscure releases, anything-you'd-ever-want-to-hear-and-more releases. the prices, especially for used items, are really great. and yes, i did peep prices on those record players. Christmas gift: totally possible. they have a number of events at the store, including an event this past we...

so yesterday is what i would like to call a real bad day. i woke up, turned on the shower and heard a pumping noise. the noise had been happening for a few weeks, but i thought nothing of it. in this case i'm sort of a 'girl'. when i hear a tinkering sound under the hood of my car, i ignore it until the car no longer performs its duties. when it comes to my personal life and belongings, if i don't know how to fix something i let it go until it prevents me from doing what i need to do. the pumping sound stops, as it always did. so then i flushed the toilet. all hell broke loose. the toilet started fill up and leak. my first thought was to begin using the plunger. it worked initially, but then the shower started to back up. so, being the keen thinker i am, i flushed the toilet again (plumbing is not my calling). the toilet water rose even higher and it began to leak from the back pipes more and more. i used the plunger again and this time, from the bowels of hell came...

there is really no way to make this sound less dramatic than it is. the reason i stopped writing in july is because i started to feel very sick and then i almost died. that's not an exaggeration. sometimes i wish it were. in early august i went to by lady doctor. i was having a lot of problems and she chalked it up to needing a stronger dosage of my no-baby meds. i wanted a second opinion and she suggested a general practitioner. days went by and things got worse. i wasn't keeping any food down. i felt weak and tired all of the time. it took all the energy i had just to get out of bed and get to work each day. and, once there, i rarely left my desk. it took too much to move. that led me to work a lot of late nights because there was too much work and staying was easier than exerting myself to leave. one particularly busy day i had an appointment scheduled with my new doctor. i wasn't going to go, a trip over the hill just seemed too hard. my new coworker, brandi, conv...

i wake up every morning knowing i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing. i'm not quite sure what my purpose is but i know it's not this. everyday at work something goes wrong. everyday i'm made to feel like it's my fault. everyday i work so hard knowing i will never get ahead. the job is set up to keep me in a hamster wheel, never moving forward. i don't know how much longer i can take it. it's almost as depressing as my job search. that hamster wheel isn't even moving. sometimes i wish someone would just tell me what to do. tell me what to do and i will do it. none of my ideas are working. i want to take a cake decorating class. i want to learn to bake amazing desserts. i love baking. i love making things sweet and pretty and watching people eat them and close their eyes and smile. i don't want to take a photography class. i don't like real life. my mind remembers things so much prettier than pictures do. i want to write a bo...

time ACTUAL ACTIVITY what i wanted to be doing 5:30 a.m. ALARM SOUNDS, I WOKE UP sleeping 6:00 a.m. SNOOZE ALARM SOUNDS, NOT THE FIRST TIME sleeping 7:50 a.m. WALKING MY DOGGIE SONIC taking sonic on a hike 8:34 a.m. ARRIVING AT WORK LATE taking sonic on a hike 11:00 a.m. BEGINNING OF A DAY OF MARATHON MEETINGS various activities including baking a cheesecake, continuing a search for okra, catching up on current events, getting my hair done. calls to catch up with friends back home that i always miss due to the time difference 5:00 p.m. DINNER AND DRINKS WITH THE VP AND NEW TEAM MEMBERS dinner and drinks with friends where we schedule our upcoming trip to Vegas when is the part when i start having fun? i know it's my fault, but i just can't figure out how to jumpstart the life i want to be living.

did you ever realize you were living a lie? a lie so convincing that you couldn't see it was a lie at all. in blissful denial you kept going day after day thinking life really was the way that it was. you believed the lie. and even when it all started crashing down around you, you continued to cling to it. flashing lights and big detour signs had no effect. until everything went dark. and then you were all alone. and you realized it was all one big fat lie. the problem is that the lie was what you believed in - it was your life. and now it was all gone. well that's what happened to me, and that's where i've been. but now i'm back to appease my clamoring public. i wish i could say it was my idea, but i'm back due to a great deal of pressure from parties i will not name at this time. this post and subsequent posts are part of an experiment. i'll have you know that, one post in, i'm not doing well at the experiment. my assignment was simple: write. no restr...