I've been trying to convince people I was 30 since I turned 22. In my head I just knew that, at 30, I'd have it all figured out. I thought people would finally respect me if I could drop the twenty- in front of my age. Then someone told me that it's not your age that gets you respect, it's how you act. How you carry yourself.
In my 20s I scared myself so many times. A blood transfusion, a broken engagement, moving halfway across the country without a real plan. But through all of those trials I learned so much about myself. I'm not the same little girl I was so many years ago. I appreciate her for who she was. So impressionable, naive, adorable. But I'm very different now.
In my 20s I fell so deep in love, not just once but (at least) twice. I've learned when to compromise and what I simply won't put up with.
So often I hear people say: "I wish I knew then what I know now." I'm not there yet. If I'd known what I know now, there are so many moments I would have missed out on. So many memories that never would have been made. So many missteps that would have been corrected, placing me some place so different from where I stand now.
And I like where I stand now. Now I am, without a doubt, living my dream. Fifteen short (long?) years ago, I dreamed of living in a big city in my own apartment with my tiny dog. I dreamed of an important job within an important company. I've achieved all of that. But there's more.
I live in a big city, but it's not cold and dark as I'd imagined as a teen. It's vibrant and orchestral. It's exciting yet relaxed. It has taught me so much about myself and helped me grow. The people I've met here are family. They've nurtured and protected me. They've helped me understand that I shouldn't be afraid of what I can achieve.
I have a great apartment, but it's not just for me. I share it with my little dog (he's not tiny but yeah, ok, he's small) and an amazing man who supports me in every way possible. He is my biggest cheerleader. He believes in me when I don't. He is always in my corner, and I will never be able to tell him how much that means to me. How the last year could not have been possible without his support. As a teenager I swore I'd be single forever. I knew I didn't need a man to make my dreams happen. This is still true, I don't need him. That's actually the best part. He's the best of bonuses.
He and a full team of family and friends now scattered all over the world have helped me through my hardest times and joined me in enjoying the fun stuff. Hands down I have the BEST support system.
My "important job at an important company"? Well. I wish I'd been more specific. In my early 20s I had some amazing jobs. The Tulsa Zoo. An ad agency in Tulsa. A marketing gig at Cox Communications. Nowhere to go but up! But I chose to go west instead.
My first jobs in Los Angeles were struggles. Stresses from one even put me in the hospital, in court, and through more emotional turmoil than I care to admit. But then, at the end of 2013, I decided that I gave zero fucks. And that, if I was going to make my dreams happen, I was going to make them happen now. So I quit my job and took an internship.
On my 29th birthday (just one year ago!) I was an intern. AN INTERN. I thought I'd lost my mind. But I was writing. And that felt like home. Like I was finally doing the thing I should have been doing all along. From there I freelanced, worked in retail, explored a few options and ultimately landed at one of the world's most famous advertising agencies. I'm getting paid to play and test and strategize in the realm of social media. In college you never could have told me that my current job would ever exist. For the first time I really felt that not only could I contribute, but people were expressly asking me for my input. They respect me. It's been like a dream.
Just when I thought the dream couldn't get any bigger, I was offered a full-time writing job with (another) "important company" (more on that soon). A writing job. Someone wants to pay me to write. The thing I wake up yearning to do with every fiber of my body, I'll get to actually do every day.
So, you see, at 30 I'm more than ready to lay my 20s to rest. I love them for what they were. But I'm so excited to see what this next chapter has in store. I care so much less about trivial things that used to hold so much weight. I know what I have to offer and I'm giving as much of it as I see fit. I may not be on your Top 30 under 30 lists, but I'm at the top of a very short list for the people I love the most. I am finally fully aware of how strong I can be. I'm beginning to learn how much I can love and the power there is in that.
I'm not asking for permission to join the 30 Club. I'm high-steppin in with my chin way up because I know I belong. (Can I get a membership card, though?)
Mama says that at 30 you're just starting out.
Well, let's get this party started!
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