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hunger strike

i'm giving up on grocery shopping once and for all.

i'd like to do that. but i also enjoy eating. so after i throw a fit for the remainder of writing this post, i'm sure i'll start making my next grocery list.

walk with me through this sad shopping saga:

act I
i realized that The Man would alternate pizza and nachos every other day and be completely content with life. i added a pasta meal and a few other ideas i knew we both would eat and went shopping based on the ingredients for each of those meals. after a few days i noticed that The Man was stopping at fast food restaurants in the neighborhood or not eating at all.

'there's nothing to eat,' he said. immediately i took offense. you mean the hundred bucks worth of food i bought is suddenly not edible?

'everything has to be cooked.'

oh. kay. so we took a new approach.

act II
we went shopping as a team and bought several things that were (painfully processed, stuffed with sodium and preservatives and) easy to fix in a stove or microwave. we also picked up sandwich fixings. over the next few days The Man was happy and excited to make us yummy hot sandwiches, nachos and microwavable delights. he was making dinner!! color me happy!

but then everything that came in a box with directions was gone. as well as the lunch meat, bread and cheese. all gone. leaving only the random ingredients to side dishes and no main courses.

act III
i went shopping with my list. The Man went shopping with his list. he asked for his own shelf in the refrigerator. we keep our food separate. we each spent way too much money on groceries only to discover that, once again, there was nothing to create a real meal.

how does this keep happening? what are we doing wrong? there's just something we are missing and it's driving me insane. i think the checkers at the grocery store near my house are starting to recognize me. i'm there almost every day. i also think they are purposefully hiding the Southern Comfort egg nog when they see me walk in. i bought the last carton four days ago. i've been there twice since then (not exaggerating. i told you it was bad) and they have not restocked. someone should tell them that it's my addiction and i'll live in denial if i want to. let me buy egg nog damnit!!

i'll live on egg nog. The Man will live on sandwiches with a side of nachos. everybody's happy.

*

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