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i wake up every morning knowing i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm not quite sure what my purpose is but i know it's not this. everyday at work something goes wrong. everyday i'm made to feel like it's my fault. everyday i work so hard knowing i will never get ahead. the job is set up to keep me in a hamster wheel, never moving forward. i don't know how much longer i can take it.

it's almost as depressing as my job search. that hamster wheel isn't even moving.

sometimes i wish someone would just tell me what to do. tell me what to do and i will do it. none of my ideas are working.

i want to take a cake decorating class. i want to learn to bake amazing desserts. i love baking. i love making things sweet and pretty and watching people eat them and close their eyes and smile.

i don't want to take a photography class. i don't like real life. my mind remembers things so much prettier than pictures do.

i want to write a book. an entire book.

i want to read a book. an entire book.

i want to paint clouds.

i want to design kids' rooms.

i want to hang out at a record store.

it doesn't matter

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