Skip to main content

Boyfriend Shaming

I'm so guilty. 



I've always been a bit of a boyfriend shamer. I shame people for having cute relationships and loving their boyfriends a little too much. I shame myself for loving my boyfriend even a little bit. I shame my boyfriend for being amazing. 

All of these things are wrong and I am so disgusted with myself. It makes no sense. 

I do not trust men. I've had this problem all of my life and I'm not sure where it came from. I have an incredible, loving father and grandfather. I had spectacular male role models growing up and today. But somehow I've been taught to never, ever, under any circumstances trust a man. In an effort to always keep my distance I shame. 

I'm constantly team break-up. Did he cheat on you? Break up with him. Did he lie? Break up with him. Oh he got you carnations instead of roses? Break up with him. I honestly consider breaking up with my boyfriend for the tiniest infractions. Sometimes even for what I think he might do someday. That's not fair and I know it. But I can't stop these feelings. I can't keep myself from punishing us both because of my fears and distrust. 

Am I the only crazy lady that acts this way? We live in a world where women are belittled and mistreated on the regular, and there are men who deserve to be directed to the left. As women we fight for the right to be heard and fairly treated. We battle the bad guys and what they stand for constantly. But there are good men, too. There are men that respect us and hold us in high regard. There are men that love with everything they have. There are men who deserve to be loved right back, appreciated, and – if they falter – forgiven. 

For all of you who know me well, I'm sure you've already told me that I need to lighten up, and be OK with being in love. It's uber difficult for me. But I'm going to try it. For every sabotaging thought, I'm going to replace it with admiration. I'm going to remember why Jersey Mike turns me all the way on and why I'm so impressed with him as a human being. Perhaps slowly I can trade from team break up to team give love a chance. 

*


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sex. Dirty, Dirty Sex

Friends, I have something I have to let you know - if you don't know already: Sex is disgusting. 
Seriously, think about it. Ew, don't think about it.  Yes, it feels fantastic. If you're with the right person at the right time it feels out-of-this-world incredible (fireworks, much?).  But have you ever stopped to think about what you're doing? Like, literally?
You're placing your most private parts into someone else's most private parts. Or allowing someone to place their most private parts into yours, depending on your gender/sexual preference. That's GROSS, people! Sure we ignore it because it just feels so damn good. But come on, ew!
Then throw on top of that the consequences of this nasty habit we have:  1. A baby. Oh yes, this is a consequence. Particularly if you're not currently in the market for an infant. I don't even want to think about what that does to the body. There's no turning back from a baby. Well, there is, but that's ano…

Justice for Georgina, aka Go See Get Out Immediately

WARNING: ALL OF THE SPOILERS. LIKE, SO MANY SPOILERS. GO SEE THE MOVIE. THAT'S AN ORDER. 
In Get Out, the brilliant new Jordan Peele film, black people are used by white people's brains. 
That's the shortest explanation, as there are so many levels to the movie. I'm typically not one to see scary movies (I can't even get through Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video), but when I read about this movie's perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes and the raving reviews from critics, I had to go and support this film from a black director with black stars.

I'm not a fan of scary movies. They always give me nightmares. Before I saw the film, a coworker assured me that I wouldn't have nightmares after watching Get Out. He was right and wrong. I didn't have nightmares about monsters lurking in dark corners, but I stayed awake unpacking all of the themes and metaphors of the film. In doing so, a big part of why I wasn't afraid occurred to me: These …

Denzel Washington > Tom Hanks and I'm sorry.

I was looped into (OK honesty time I looped myself in) to a debate on Facebook about which actor is the best of our time: Tom Hanks or Denzel Washington. 


Initially my thought was: no contest. It's Denzel. I don't understand why we're having a debate. 

But then the Tom Hanks stans went so hard I had to step back and think about whether or not I was trippin' 
But I can assure you I am not. Here are my arguments.
1. Denzel Washington played Malcolm X. Today (May 19th, the date this debate began) is Malcolm's birthday, so triple points for Denzel. 


2. Denzel is sexy as hell. 
I mean, can I just...
Tom, you're a sweetheart but I'm sorry, Denzel's got you on hotness.

3.  Tom and Denzel both have two Oscars. But Denzel was only the second African American actor to win an Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role (second to Mr. Sidney Poitier). So if we're talking best of our time, that's a heavy stat. 

4.  We saw Apollo 13 in science class, but we watched R…