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The Pursuit of Happiness

lately i've been considering all the things i thought would make me so happy.

a year ago i was in tulsa planning quitting my job and moving to california. i just knew that in los angeles i would find so much happiness by following my dreams.

well, here i am. and as far as happiness goes i don't know. it's been a roller coaster ride for sure. i'm proud of myself for leaving oklahoma, but there are things i really miss. it's the holidays, and i would love to be at home with my friends and family. but instead i'm stuck here in rainy los angeles wondering where rent money is going to come from and why i can't seem to find a PR job.

a few things are not what i expected. one biggie is that even though there are always things going on, i don't always want to be doing them. i miss having friends you can always call up and say 'hey, let's grab a bottle of wine and just bullshit for a few hours.' sometimes i don't want to get dressed, fight traffic, pay for parking and deal with crowds for a good time. so the life of parties and shin digs and going out, that's not how it is. because things are so expensive there's no money to go out. most of the time i'm at home doing nothing.

another is that living together is HARD. especially with someone who really wants to go back home and is only staying here because of some stupid dream i have. The Man is trying to be really strong but some days it's just too much. and i don't blame him. sometimes i want to throw my shit in a bag and drive back home, too.

i've noticed that most of the problems we're having living together are my fault. i don't like to share. i hate picking up after other people. i need space. i don't like it when the television and computer are making noise at the same time. i really really really don't like that. i hate towels on the floor. i hate having to include meat in every dinner. i hate when food is gone before i think it should be gone. there are so many things he does that i'm just like 'seriously? did you just do that?'

i hate realizing that The Man moved half way across the country away from his family to a city he hates working a job he despises just to be here to support and love me. then all of the stuff in the above paragraph seem silly. especially the food being 'gone before i think it should be' part.

ugh. i'm a rat. i'd want to leave me here, too.

and so to fix these things i'm putting so plans in place:

i'm going to follow my own advice and find a way to meet new people. i'm going to let some money go to join some sort of class. a cooking class, a work out class, something that will let me spend time with new people for thirty minutes to an hour once or twice a week. to pay for this i will only allow myself to go out for lunch once a week, saving me at least ten bucks weekly.

when towels are on the floor, i will pick them up. and i will install some hooks, because towel racks just aren't good enough. i will cook some meals with just enough meat for The Man. just because he needs it daily doesn't mean i have to eat it. i will price king size mattresses so that i can buy us both some 'space' for christmas. i will be more attentive and say 'thank you' so much more than i do currently.

every day he thanks me for cooking dinner for him, even if all i did was stick a frozen pizza in the oven. God bless him.



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